Coffee, Love, and Other Stimulants Read online

“Shooting star.” Adam points to it as it flies across the dome. “Make a wish.”

  I close my eyes.

  “You’re not going to say it aloud?”

  Opening my eyes I lean close and whisper, “Then it won’t come true.”

  He leans in close to me and kisses my lips. “Will you tell me now?” he asks.

  “Mmm…I could be convinced.” He slides his fingertips down my arm as he kisses me again. My senses are on fire as he touches me and I smell his cologne. “I wished…that my life could stay like this forever.”

  “Really? You think everything is perfect right now?”

  “Yes.” I grip his hand even tighter. “Don’t you?”

  He shrugs. “I wish I can get a job as easy as you did.”

  I frown. “I think I earned my job.”

  He smiles and squeezes my hand. “I’m not saying you didn’t work hard or you didn’t deserve the job…but most jobs you need to apply for and you’re up against twenty other people who all have better resumes. You can’t tell me you don’t think your boss gave you the position because you’re friends with him.”

  “Todd wouldn’t do that. He cares about that pharmacy. He’ll always make the choice he thinks is best for it.”

  “He cares about you,” Adam corrects with a stern voice. “If I had a boss that gave me gifts for graduation, I know I’d have job security too.”

  I slide my hand out of his grasp and gaze up at the stars. They suddenly seem too fake. Their light is too dull.

  Adam wraps his arm around my shoulders. “Kate, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. I have good news anyway. I have an interview in Boston for a job.”

  “Boston?” I shift on the seat so I can face him. “Is that where you want to live?”

  “I want a good job.” He waves a hand and shrugs.

  “When is the interview?” I ask and twist my fingers together.

  “Thursday.”

  “That’s in two days!”

  He nods. “So, let’s not fight.” He kisses me, but his lips feel dry. I want to ask about what will happen to our relationship if he moves away, but it’s a delicate subject. As I lean back into my chair, it occurs to me that Adam never told me what he really would wish for.

  ●

  While Adam is in Boston, I research jobs in that area for me. It’s overwhelming. I also need to talk to Adam about sharing an apartment. My lease is almost up and I can’t afford this place without someone helping out. I have only have a couple weeks left to make a decision. On Sunday I pick up Adam at the airport. He tells me his interview went well. He sounds so excited that I can’t bring myself to mention anything about what his moving away might do to our relationship. My hands are sweaty on the steering wheel.

  A week later we’re at the park when Adam gets a call on his cell phone. After he hangs up, he seems tense and moody. He tells me he didn’t get the job.

  I decide to help with a job search in this area for him. I print out the jobs that fit his field and put them in a folder. When he arrives at my apartment for our date night, I hand it to him.

  “What’s this? “Job Results?” He flips through the pages, his eyebrows raised. His nostrils flare and he slams the folder down onto the table. “Do you think that I can’t find my own job? Are you embarrassed to be seen with a minimum-wage worker now you’ve got your fancy pharmacy job?”

  “No, Adam, of course not. I’m proud you’re working to support yourself. I want—”

  “Of course not,” he mimics. “Jesus Christ, I can’t deal with you right now.”

  He jerks open the door and leaves, slamming the door behind him. I stare at the still quivering door for a couple of minutes before I manage to let out a long breath. Grabbing the folder, I toss it into the garbage. I sit on my couch and put my face in my hands. My skin feels hot and my hands cold. Sam is already living with Ahanna. I miss her now more than ever, but I don’t want to weigh her down with my relationship issues. She has already dealt with my crap more than anyone else. I turn on the TV and watch infomercials until I fall asleep.

  It’s almost midnight when I wake to a loud knocking. I turn off the TV and stumble to the door. When I open it, I see a bouquet of roses with a body below.

  Adam lowers the flowers so I can partially see his face. “I am so sorry about how I reacted.”

  I gesture for him to come in, and try to push my hair back into some kind of order. He walks in, sets the bouquet on the table, and turns to me. “I’ve just been so stressed lately that any mention of jobs kind of sends me over the edge. I didn’t want you to see that side of me. I know you did that job search because you care. I was an idiot and I flipped out.”

  “It’s okay.” I wrap my arms around him and he hugs me back.

  “I love you,” he says. It’s the first time he has said those words and a burst of joy rush through me.

  “I love you, too.” I reach under his shirt and feel the muscles under his skin. He picks me up and sets me on the table. He helps me to pull off my pants and his hands feel smooth on my legs. As he unbuttons his jeans, it occurs to me that this is the first time I have seen Adam angry. I have seen him annoyed, but never actually enraged. He slides into me and his body weight pushes my body against the top of the table. He never takes off his shirt. For once making love to him doesn’t switch off my brain. I stare the ceiling and wonder how many more layers does he have that I have never seen.

  ●

  It’s the last day to renew my lease. I call Adam and ask him to meet me at his favorite hot dog stand for lunch after his shift. Even though my back is turned toward him, I know when he arrives because his car sounds like it’s gasping for breath. I watch him get out with a bounce in his step. As soon as he reaches me he gives me a huge, warm hug. I have never felt anything better than being surrounded by a man’s arms, especially one that I love.

  “I knew you would be craving these sooner or later.” He grins and buys us both dogs with everything.

  Taking the warm bun and the steaming hot dog, I tell him, “Maybe I was craving you?”

  He wiggles his eyebrows. “Then we should have gone to your apartment.” Leading us to a bench, I sit down and put the hot dog on a napkin on my lap. “I have to talk to you about something. And I didn’t want you to storm out of my apartment again.”

  He frowns and his face pales. “Is this about my job search again?”

  “No.” I pluck a stray bit of onion off my hot dog. “This is about the fact that my lease needs to be renewed and I need to either get a new apartment or move in with you.”

  Mouth pressed into a thin line, he looks away. “I told you I didn’t think it was a good idea.”

  “You told me that you would think about it.” My stomach knots. This wasn’t a good idea but I’m out of time and don’t know what else to do.

  “Kate, What if I get a new job somewhere else? What then? It’s better if you move into your own apartment.”

  “Whether I move in with you or not won’t change the fact that you have six more months on your lease.” I huff out a breath and wish he would look at me. My hot dog is going cold. “Look, if you don’t want to move in together, that’s fine. But I’d rather you tell me now because I need to know if you see a future together for us. I’m not the kind of person to be in a relationship just so I’m not lonely at night. I think in the long term. I want to be with someone who thinks the same way.”

  “I do think that same way.” He turns back to me and smiles, but the expression doesn’t reach his eyes. “I do see a future with you, but I don’t want to make any big decisions until I have a solid career going. I know how your work is important to you. Mine is just as important to me. As soon as I’m settled we can talk about our future.”

  I tilt my head. I have been so focused on our relationship, I haven’t been thinking about Adam’s future outside of it. I poke at my hot dog and hang my head. “I’m sorry. I’m being selfish. Once we’re both on solid paths…”

 
“We can focus on our future.” He covers one of my hands with his and kisses me on the cheek, soft and hesitant like a question. I answer it by turning my face and offering him a firmer kiss. Standing up, I step away. “I’m not that hungry. How about we go back to your apartment?”

  Adam wolfs down his hot dog. I dump mine in the trash, and he leads me down the same path I came from.

  ●

  Adam is supposed to come with me to look for an apartment for me as a supporting hand, but he’s called into work at the last minute. I look at apartments in the newspaper and I’m surprised at what I can afford on my new salary. Some of the places have a balcony, a master bath, and a courtyard. My current apartment doesn’t even have a washer or dryer.

  I decide on a one-bedroom apartment on Crafton Avenue between Adam’s apartment and Davidson Pharmacy. It doesn’t have a balcony or a courtyard but the kitchen appliances are stainless steel and the walls a beautiful shade of teal. The landlord and I come to an agreement and I sign the paperwork within an hour. Sitting in the middle of my soon to be old dining room I dial Adam’s number. As soon as he answers I blurt out the news, “I just signed the lease on a new apartment.” All I hear on the other end of the phone is a forklift. “Adam?”

  “You decided on an apartment without me?” He sounds like he’s shouting over the noise in the background. “I thought you were just looking.”

  Irritation coils in my stomach but I clamp down on it. I press my palm to the cool, hard tabletop. “Well, I was looking. But I found a perfect apartment a couple of minutes away from you and a couple of minutes away from my job. It’s perfect.”

  “It’s right next to where I live?” he asks. Does that sound like panic in his voice? What is he doing? “Why would you do that, Kate?”

  “I thought—”

  He interrupts before I can get the words out. “You didn’t think. You should have consulted me first.”

  A flare of anger flickers inside my chest. “You didn’t want to live with me. So I chose my own place.”

  He sighs and then I only hear silence. He finally speaks after almost a minute has passed. “You’re right. This was your choice. Look, I have to go. I’ll see you later.”

  He hangs up. I stare at my phone as Adam’s number disappears. I scroll through my phone and find Sam’s name. I call her.

  “Hey, sugar mama,” she says sounding happy and like just the person I need to talk to.

  “Sam, I’m not that rich,” I say but I fight back a smile.

  “You’re rich enough. What’s up?”

  I sigh. “Are you sick of all of my male problems yet?”

  “You should try being a lesbian sometime and see what our problems are like. Less fish in the sea means that you start off finding a lot of piranhas, and a lot of piranhas that have dated the exact same women you have.”

  Dragging a thumbnail along the edge of the table I ask, “So are there piranhas that want Ahanna back?”

  “Pshh. Are you kidding? Ahanna is a piranha. I have to watch out for those teeth every time we kiss.”

  I laugh. “How’s the wedding coming?”

  “Fantastic. I get to try on twenty different stilettos until my feet are covered with blisters and tell every person we meet there isn’t a husband-to-be. But you didn’t call me to talk about the wedding, so spill your guts. What did that walking penis do now?”

  “Nothing.” I sit up straighter. “I mean, he didn’t want to move in with me. Then I asked him to look at apartments with me, but he has to work. I find the perfect apartment between him and my job. I tell him and he flips out.”

  “Flips out? Define how much of a flip we’re talking.”

  “Well, maybe not flip out, but he got mad. I would think he’d be happy that I’m going to be living nearby.”

  “Kate, I know I told you I thought he was just jealous of your success in your career, but where you live has nothing to do with that. Do you think it could be something else? Maybe he’s not a relationship guy. Maybe he likes to date around and didn’t want the two of you to be in a committed relationship. Maybe there’s someone else.”

  My stomach knots and my heart jumps up to my throat. I swallow and slump in my chair. “Sam, he uses all of the money he earns on our dates. On dinner cruises and expensive presents. How in the hell would he date other women without money?”

  “There has to be a reason that he doesn’t want you living close.”

  Twitching my lips I wish now that I hadn’t called. Getting up, I stride into the kitchen. “He’s just working through a hard time. I just need to be supportive. I’m being overdramatic.”

  “Kate—?”

  “I need to go pack up my stuff. I’ll talk to you later.”

  I hang up, close my eyes and lean over the kitchen sink. Adam is frustrated about his future and takes it out on me. I’m frustrated about my relationship and I take it out on Sam.

  Being a piranha seems like a really great idea right now.

  ●

  I have to confess I set up my apartment with the hope of one day sharing share it with Adam. There are no feminine colors or trinkets. The bed is covered with a powder-blue blanket and white sheets. I keep a bottle of hazelnut syrup next to the coffee maker and it’s not just for me.

  The day after I move in Adam arrives at five. When I open the door, he’s carrying a bouquet of purple tulips and a small gift box. I let him inside.

  He gives me a quick kiss on my cheek. “Something smells good. What are you cooking?”

  “Shrimp scampi. There’s also salad with my homemade creamy Italian dressing and, of course, pinot blanc.”

  He blinks and hands me the gift box. “Wow. Now this doesn’t seem enough.”

  I open the box. Inside I find a platinum ring with a floral design carved into it. When I slide it on my finger it looks like I’m wearing a silver vine. I put it on my ring finger on my right hand.

  “It’s beautiful. Thank you so much.”

  “It wasn’t expensive, but it’s been rough for us lately and I wanted to make up for that.”

  “I love it.” I pick up the flowers he has set on the table. “I love these too. I have a vase that’s perfect for them.”

  I put water into my white vase and put the bouquet inside. I set it on the table while Adam stirs the shrimp scampi. He serves us each a plate with linguini from the bowl and the scampi on top. We sit down at the table where the salad already waits for us.

  Adam takes a bite and lifts his eyes to heaven.

  “This…this is delicious.”

  "It’s a recipe I haven’t tried before.”

  He takes another bite. “I can’t cook, so I’m going to need a wife who can fill my belly with tasty food.”

  My ears tingle and I twirl pasta around my fork. He has been thinking about the future. As we eat, he continues to compliment my cooking and talks about the future. I’m glad he’s finally thinking about more than his career. If I’ve learned in the past year it’s that a job can only bring you so much happiness. You need people who love you in your life.

  I gaze at the ring on my finger. I cannot remember being this secure in my relationship with Adam. Maybe he has accepted that he’s going to struggle for a job and he has moved past being angry about it.

  Finishing his meal, Adam sits back in his chair. “By the way, next week I’m going to be really busy. I picked up some extra shifts. I don’t want you to worry if I can’t take your calls or texts.”

  I manage a smile but the evening seems less bright. “Thanks for telling me ahead of time. I do worry sometimes when I can’t get hold of you.”

  “You shouldn’t.” He reaches across the table to take my hand. “I just have a really short attention span. If I’m working or studying, I need to concentrate on that and not my phone. It has nothing to do with you.”

  “I understand,” I say. And I really am trying to. Standing I walk over to him. I rest my hand on his shoulder and kiss him, first on the lips and then on his jaw. H
is beard scrapes my lips. He smells faintly of something sweet like a perfume but I don’t think he wears much cologne. I think about asking him what it is he has on. Instead I brush my hand over his chest and tell him, “We should do something tonight that keeps you focused on me for the rest of the week.”

  He grins and pulls me onto his lap. “I wouldn’t mind being a little distracted at work.”

  Adam has been urging me to try oral sex. Now I slip off his lap so I am kneeling on the floor next to his chair. I reach for the zipper on his pants. His eyes darken. I unbuckle his belt and pull out his growing erection. I wet my lips, nervous and uncertain.

  “You sure, baby?” he asks. I nod and he smiles. He leans back, scooting down a little. I have to admit it’s exciting to do this with my dress still on and his clothes on too. Leaning over his lap I take him into my mouth. He groans and his hips buck. I almost choke, but Adam strokes my hair and mutters how good this feels and how amazing I am. I lick him like a popsicle and he moans again. Wrapping my fingers around his thick erection I stroke it and take him in my mouth again. He explodes. Creamy salt pulses into my mouth. I almost gag, but Adam presses his hand on the back of my neck, holding me still. Wiggling under his hold I lick and swallow. When Adam lets go, I sit up. He stares at me his eyes glazed.

  “You’re the best, Kate. Totally the best.”I blush hot. It seems I have a new talent. I wiggle on the cough, aching for sex with Adam. He gets up and leads me to the living room couch but as soon as we sit down he closes his eyes and falls asleep. I’m left with an empty ache.

  ●

  A week passes and I barely hear anything from Adam. Cindy asks me to join her for Happy Hour, so we go to the Unruly Spirit. We order beers and mozzarella sticks. We talk for hours about Adam, or as Cindy calls him, “that resurrected James Dean.” She tells me about how she met her husband in college.

  “He showed me a magic trick where he knew what card I had pulled out without looking at it, and then he told me he wanted to show me another trick. He held my hands in his hands and when I opened them I saw an origami flower inside. I have never looked at another man the same way.”

  “Everyone should have a beautiful story about how they met their significant other,” I tell her.